i can solve a rubik's cube in 1 minute 50 seconds. i'm working on getting under a minute. someday. someday.

i finally got the guts to tell my boyfriend that i love him back, except i could only do it in pig latin. "iway ovelay ouyay."

i'm a freshman in college right now, and the school year is almost over. i've gained the freshman 15 and it shows because i was somewhat athletic-sized to begin with. i'm terrified of returning home and having my mom criticize me and call me chubby.

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i cannot believe how old my nutang is!

it's been a while, yeah?

i'm actually in the process of writing a research paper that's due tomorrow, and i haven't started it yet.

so this entry is simply a bout of procrastination.

ben broke up with me about a month ago. he was my boyfriend of 5 years. we originally started going out 5 and a half years ago, but we took a half-year-long break when i dated kyle 4 years ago.

5 and a half years is a long time. much, much longer than it needed to be. i'm thrilled it's over, and i finally feel free.

of course, we still love each other, and i don't think that will change anytime soon. but it's best that we're apart. i've started casually seeing a guy that i'm head over heels for. sam makes me swoon. he's 21, and i'm only 18, but it doesn't feel like a big difference.

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lol i love sports movies.
remember the titans,
friday night lights,
mighty ducks.
i wish i loved sports.
i'm tivo-ing the world cup re-runs because i kind of missed it.
i'd like to get into a sport. must figure out what it is.
i really enjoyed the scripps national spelling bee on ESPN though.
i cried; very emotional spelling bee.
altheticcccccc

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i don't even know what was wrong with me last post. weiiiiird.

and another thing.
everytime i think about the boy that i spent my best 4th of july ever with, i get butterflies. it makes me feel like a freshman again.
so weirddd because it's out of nowhere.

and i was fired because i, word for word, "pissed off the wrong person" but i don't even want to work there if the management is going to be a shithead like that.

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i hate my school. i hate my friends. i hate my house. i hate my family. i hate my goals. i hate myself.

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once more into the breach, dear friends.

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i don't believe this nutang did anything for my mental health.

i've gone from young & annoying to depressively pathetic to superficial. you can see all this in these pages.

bye

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mood: calm-happy-good

oh gosh, i lovelove the mars volta. i remember i wanted their shirt freshman year. de-loused is definitely my favorite album. dunno about their new one.
i also lovelove the pixes
and coheed and cambria
and at the drive-in.
all of those bands i've heard of before high school started and i'm proud.

i really want to prove my zodiac sign wrong.
ugh! i sooo will. because i don't have much to lose.

rehnquist died. i never knew who he was; i've never heard of him. i wonder if he was a good person. i wonder if he strived (strove?) for the best of his country. i wonder if he was conservative or liberal. i wonder if he had grandkids that knew and loved him.
maybe i should start watching the news, or get into politics, or something.
i can imagine myself in one of my college classes, and politics would come up, and i wouldn't be able to follow at all. i hope that doesn't happen.
i realized a few days ago that i'm starting college at 15 years old. that's insane.
i also want to expand my vocabulary.
i wish we had vocabulary units and quizzes in english, but so far, we've done nothing in english except talk about philosophy and the like.

after this week, i will be able to decide if i like my new school or not.

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